From the Huma article:
Note: The Clinton School of Forgiveness sounds a lot more fun than the Forgiveness School my folks sent me to — the Scandinavian School of Forgiveness, which is where you eliminate problems by simply coldly cutting people out of your life with no warning or explanation and then move on stoically as if nothing ever happened — BUT I DIGRESS.
Judging from the tone I am reading into Erin's voice in this excerpt, I surmise this is a bad thing. Yes? Maybe? I've done it three times in my life. I have been wronged or extremely disenchanted with unsavory characters in my life (one of which is coincidentally Erin's doppelgänger) and just gone cold turkey.
The first two times I did it, I felt personally wronged and cut them out without explanation. I just stopped answering and started blocking.
The third and most recent time, I was not personally wronged, but I saw deep, disturbing, sociopathic character flaws in a friend. Serious moral and ethical corruption which caused me to lose what little trust I had for this friend. This time I did feel a need to send a quick explanation before I cut all ties, diverging from the BITLU M.O. I entertained a conversation for a day and a half before falling silent. I wrote about this friend on GT in a past post and most of you, along with close real-life relations, advised me to stop being her friend and I knew in my heart that was the correct advice. So I did it.
*record scratch* BUT WAS IT?! In this third case, I feel like Erin's judgmental accusation that I "eliminate[d] problems by simply coldly cutting people out of [my] life with no warning or explanation" may be relevant. Should I have continued to grapple with her issues and play righteous, albeit impotent, moral compass? Oooor, on the other softer hand, is it my duty to continue exposing myself to a toxic person who would unblinkingly make me a casualty of her immorality if it suited her, for her sake? So that she may be a better person? Is my risk for her betterment the correct thing? Or does it simply feed into her narcissism?
The Stark in me says, "Be patient, forgiving, resilient, and brave." The non GOT character in me says, "No, that is ridiculous. Leaving was the right thing. You don't have to be a matyr."
...Then again, is it really martyrdom? Am I calling it martyrdom to justify my refusal to do it? Am I weak for not shouldering her shit? I didn't snap because I couldn't handle it. I snapped because I didn't want to handle it anymore. I didn't want to be friends with someone I could not trust and someone who is proud of the way she hurts other people. Gross. That is why I left. Does that make me as selfish and a hypocrite, placing my want first? Do I owe her more, as Erin implies?
brb, head exploding. To put Humpty Dumpty back together again, send me gifs of things exploding.
Edit: Hi. This is how I live my life. I am exposing myself so be gentle to both my confession of cutting off dem assholes and my neurosis.